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Serial cheater [Nov. 18th, 2012|11:24 pm]
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I kissed someone today. He wants more and I don't know what I want.
Why can I not stop thinking about him when my perfect man is right here at home?
I stopped taking one of my pills for a week until I had a breakdown and then I realized that there's a reason I need to take these pills. And here I am being unstable and self destructive again. I want to tell him that he's dealing with a crazy person, but he won't believe me. I want him to care about me, not just to want my body. And I want to feel pretty again. Right now I just feel like sleeping all day.
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Diet [Sep. 27th, 2012|10:01 am]
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Today I begin my diet. I don't really know how to go about it since in the past dieting meant starving, but I figure I'll just decrease my intake. So far I've eaten half the amount of cornflakes that I normally eat in the morning. I need to lose about 5 kilos. My friends are laughing at me because I'm thin as it is but I know I've been thinner so I want to get back to that and stop feeling bad about my body. I'll even be satisfied with 3 kilos but I saw a photo of myself from back then and I think it's about 5 kilos less. It helps that yesterday was a fasting day so it's a good starting point. Any tips?
The thing is, I don't eat so much on a daily basis - about two and a half meals - so how do I go about eating less than that and not starving myself?
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Boxes [Jul. 31st, 2012|12:57 pm]
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Packing is not as fun as I thought it would be. My living room is a third boxes now and I'm wondering how I'm going to roll up the carpet from underneath the piles. I'm not looking forward to unpacking it all.
I can't stop feeling ugly.
I wish someone would take all the weight off of my shoulders for a bit.
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Moving [Jul. 14th, 2012|05:34 pm]
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We found an apartment and we're signing the lease on Tuesday. I can't wait to move. I will really miss my apartment but I won't miss my roommate who tends to miss the trashcan rather often and leave beach sand in the shower. I made Meir promise to take me to the beach next Saturday. Today I am sitting at home doing nothing (okay, so I cleaned the kitchen and did laundry...and waxed my legs). It's been a really stressful week with three 14-hour days and a pregnancy scare that turned out to be me being stupid because we've been using protection so what are the chances. Tomorrow I have a session with my psychologist and psychiatrist together. I'm nervous about it. I can't wait to be packing my apartment. It's as therapeutic as cleaning.
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Babies [Jun. 19th, 2012|10:49 am]
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Raise your hand if you're not pregnant/just had a baby.
Why do I feel like I'm being left behind and that there's something wrong with me if I'm not ready to have a baby like RIGHT NOW?
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obsessive compulsive [May. 27th, 2012|11:39 pm]
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Today I lint-brushed both sides of my mattress.
Also, waxing is my new hobby.
I look forward to moving in with Meir because I'm tired of rewashing the dishes my roommate has washed.
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Big steps [May. 21st, 2012|12:36 am]
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My psychiatrist likes me to come in an average of twice a month. Last time I waited for her for 25 minutes and so it was an awful session because I was so angry and in a hurry.
Meir and I are moving in together in two and a half months. I'm a bit stressed about this. I know I'll be more stressed out the closer it gets. I really want to find a nice apartment and it's going to be hard to find one that measures up to the one I've been living in for these two and a half years. And Meir doesn't want to live in this one with me. Plus, I guess we're going to look for a 1-bedroom and not a 2-bedroom like this one.
I'm taking him to meet some of my family on Saturday.
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Shoes [May. 15th, 2012|08:19 pm]
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I would be perfectly fine with wearing black clothes every day for the rest of my life if I could just wear colorful, beautiful shoes all the time.
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Love of my life [Apr. 14th, 2012|10:23 pm]
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From 2012
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Food [Mar. 3rd, 2012|09:49 pm]
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I'm not eating. I think my parents are worried.
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